Thursday, April 29, 2010

Human Stupidity vs Human Nature. No contest.

It's 2010, people. Ignorance is no longer an excuse for being a moron. And being a moron today and getting killed because of it, should be justified as natural selection. After all, that's all it is.

People are getting killed and injured by animals for stupid reasons lately. While either displaying or killing animals for fun and sport, or just being completely, stupendously moronic.

Earlier this week a matador got gored in the groin by a bull, and subsequently shipped off to the hospital in a coma. Then along comes the story of how a woman dies after a killer whale pulls her under and drowns her. Which only reminds me of that guy in the Beijing Zoo who wanted to hug the panda, which again reminds me of the guy with the lions in the Kiev Zoo...

Now, don't get me wrong, I have sympathy for people who suffer tragedy.

I just have none for people who suffer tragedy through acts of idiocy. And to explain what I mean, well... bullfighting is just pure stupid to begin with. You have no defense that will justify the torture and killing of animals for entertainment.

Second, the killer whale is first and foremost a KILLER WHALE! They're not friendly, cuddly things to train and keep penned up, they're one of natures predators! Secondly, this killer whale in particular has killed before! This is the 3rd death attributed to this whale. If you swim with a two-ton serial killer whale with big teeth and a penchant for drowning people, be aware of the possible consequences.

Third, a guy in Beijing thought drinking beers and jumping in the panda pen was a good idea. A panda bear might look cute, but it's still a BEAR! It's a big, hairy claw-wielding tooth-laden killing machine. It's a dangerous animal. Still, this guy thought giving a panda a hug was the natural thing to do. He got mauled up pretty bad. He even tried to bite back. I might excuse him for being drunk at the time, but his response when asked what inspired him to risk his life was "Nobody told me they bite people." It's... a... bear!

Fourth and last example of human stupidity vs animals, a guy in Kiev who brought a rope to the zoo and proceeded to rappell down into the lions den. Bystanders witnessed later on that he did so to TEST GOD. He apparently believed that God would prevent the lions from harming him, and wished to prove that God existed. I suppose the lions broke his spirit at roughly the same time they broke his neck - lions work fast. God has not commented on the matter, so we can't know if God supports the lions getting a free meal or if God doesn't want to protect morons. Or even if God exists, but that's an entirely different discussion that will probably never be fully answered to anyone's satisfaction.

How can I call this devout man a moron? Because, even for all his devotion to his Lord, it's stated in the bible that you shall not test God. That's Luke, 4:12 if you're curious.

We live in 2010. Ignorance is still no longer an excuse for being a moron. We humans, as a species, should be able to avoid deaths and dismemberment and severe beatings and all manner of injuries based on encounters with animals.

I mean, seriously! When people visiting a national park have to be told NOT to smear honey over their kid's face so they can take pictures of the bears licking it off, maybe it's time to let natural selection take it's course after all.

We're in this together as a species, people. Mother nature doesn't work like Disney tells you. So wake up from the American Dream. Smell that luke-warm coffee. It's not to late to salvage the human race.

All I need you to do... is wake up! And at least have a whiff of java.


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