Wednesday, September 1, 2010

...And Gets Taken Off the Air.

James Jay Lee, the hostage taker at Discovery Channel in Silver Springs, MD. has been shot by police.

Show of hands - who didn't see this coming?

...didn't think so.


A Guy Walks Into a TV Station...

43 year old James Jay Lee waltzed into the Discovery Channel building in Silver Springs, MD. And then he started firing off weapons and taking people hostage. He is also supposedly wearing explosives.

Lee is an environmentalist to the core. His views are radical and extreme. And, he can't have much to live for anymore, since he put himself in trained police crosshairs while wearing a semtex shirt.

He has released his demands online, and they are, without a doubt, the most insane, inane, useless and full-on stupid demands ever made by anybody who ever took someone hostage.

His list of demands sounds somewhat like what I would imagine Wiley Coyote's demands to be if he ever took the Roadrunner hostage.

I will now excerpt a few passages from his list of demands, for your reading pleasure.

1. The Discovery Channel and it's affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn's "My Ishmael" pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other's inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!

2. All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs' places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.

4. Civilization must be exposed for the filth it is. That, and all its disgusting religious-cultural roots and greed. Broadcast this message until the pollution in the planet is reversed and the human population goes down! This is your obligation. If you think it isn't, then get hell off the planet! Breathe Oil! It is the moral obligation of everyone living otherwise what good are they??

6. Find solutions for Global Warming, Automotive pollution, International Trade, factory pollution, and the whole blasted human economy. Find ways so that people don't build more housing pollution which destroys the environment to make way for more human filth! Find solutions so that people stop breeding as well as stopping using Oil in order to REVERSE Global warming and the destruction of the planet!

And my favorite quote "The humans? The planet does not need humans."

What the hell good does it do to strap on some bang, bring popguns and storm a TV Station and yelling "FIX THINGS!!" to the world? That's not going to help anyone.

If he knew anything about anything, he would know what the response would be - police and federal agents and bomb squads and hostage negotiators and news crews and helicopters circling round in the air. Polluting. Just because he had to put his dumb ass in this situation because he has nothing else in his life, except his cause.

Small-minded people with a cause can be dangerous indeed.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

A Silence Between Moments

Man. Nothing going on. This is like... abnormally quiet. Even the news have little interesting to comment on. Is this one of those quiet-before-the-storm type moments?

I keep wondering if someone's going to snap and drive through a crowded city street with a combine harvester. Literally paint the town red. Probably not, though. Those things are quite slow. Don't do turns so good, either. Most disgruntled farmers would probably use something that wouldn't make them look silly stuck in the entrance to a tunnel. Live. On CNN.

Also, I'm kind of hoping that me having these thoughts like this is just the morbid thoughts of a wannabe writer. It would be kind of disturbing to find out I'm visualizing these images as some kind of a, I dunno... need?

Alright, so there's ugliness and stupidity in humanity. So much so that I sometimes wonder if I'm a part of the same race I see destroying itself every day. And that sometimes, just sometimes, I kind of wish the stupidity our race is infested with could be wiped off the face of the planet. Possibly with a combine harvester.

Of course, then I realize that that would only add more ugly to an already messed-up species. And that even if people are less intelligent than myself (or the average bear), then that does not necessarily exclude them from humanity.

All you really need is politeness and a large heart. You take those things, and you show them to the rest of us. This is the only requirement.

Humanity. Are you a member?


Saturday, June 5, 2010

You Can't Buy Entertainment Like This

Today's great news story:

"Porn Star On the Run After Samurai Attack."

Apparently, a male porn star in California's San Fernando Valley attacked another porn star with a samurai sword, killing him. He is now on the run. Two more were injured in the attack.

And, get this, none of the men involved were big names within the industry, according to the police.

Yes, you can always trust the police to know who's who in the San Fernando Valley, I guess.


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

It's the Quiet Ones You Have to Watch

Derrick Bird, 52, of Rowrah, England, went on a killing spree. Firing away while driving through several towns, including Whitehaven, Egremont, Seascale and Gosforth. At least five are confirmed dead, and 25 wounded.

Alright, nothing too new here. Some guy snaps, shoots a bunch of people, and, of course, finishes off himself somewhere quiet.

The cliché here is the neighbours' reactions: "He was a quiet fellow." and "He kept to himself most of the time." and "He lived alone." and so on and so forth.

So uhh... everybody agrees this is getting to be a cliché, right? Lone guy, lives by himself, keeps to himself, snaps, shoots a bunch of people and then offs himself? Right?

So how come it still surprises ANYONE when some loner who keeps away from people breaks his biscuit? Ted Bundy was a quiet, charming guy who mostly kept to himself, and he killed over two dozen women. And that was ALMOST 40 YEARS AGO!

Hence, I have a prediction. Soon, we will see a newspaper or online news service report another of these assholes who take their pain out on strangers, and some neighbour, mark my words, will say;

"He was sort of a loner, really. Kept to himself most of the time. It was no surprise, really. I mean, seriously, it's the quiet ones you have to watch."


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A Working Goddamn Ansible!

Humankind is unlocking teleportation, people! We're at 89% fidelity, struggling with getting the ion particles to play ball as well as the photon particles do, and limited to a ten mile range - But we're making progress!

We used to be limited to meters. I sure do loves me the scientificky stuff.

Now, what this means is, we've unlocked instantaneous transmission of information. While this might be relatively uninteresting for use here on Earth, once mankind reaches the stars, and we travel vast distances, keeping in touch will get hard. A simple radio broadcast from Alpha Centauri would take over five years.

Travelling at 25,000 mph (The escape velocity needed to break free of Earth's gravitational pull), it would take us about 114,000 years to get there in a conventional rocketship.

Imagine being able to transmit data in an instant across such distances!

Alright, so maybe we're inventing the interstellar phone before we create the interstellar ship. So what? It'll be a handy thing to have, right?


Saturday, May 15, 2010

What I Want The News To Tell Me Each Morning

Often, I check my regular news sites and such for, well, news. And not as often, not even regularly, but a few times? I get hit in the face with some of the coolest science fiction-sounding stories. By way of a for instance?

"Time Traveler Caught in Museum Photo?"

The story about the picture someone found in a museum in Canada. It's a black and white photograph from the early 1940's, regarding the reopening of the South Fork Bridge after a flood. And in between all the old clothes and trends of trench coats, hats and old fashioned dresses, some guy is wearing sunglasses, a hooded sweater, a t-shirt complete with a stamped image, and holding a compact camera. He looks somewhat out of place. AND TIME.

How can I NOT read this? That's how you write a goddamn heading!

(Although his clothes and even camera is not completely atypical for his time, they were just not stereotypical, is all. However, I leave judgement to his time travelerisms up to everybody else.)

Here's another one for you:

"Sundamaged Zombie Satellite Ravaging Earth's Orbit!"

Apparently, the satellite Galaxy 15 (G-15) got hit by high energy particles from the sun, which caused an anomaly. It is now circling out of it's designated geostationary orbit with it's telecommunications signal-receivers and -amplifiers still firing. If it drifts close enough to other satellites it will "eat" their transmissions, messing up our daily shit in a big way.

I mean, you could risk missing the last 20 minutes of the series finale of 'Lost' or something because this thing is on a rampage. It has ignored over 200,000 commands to get it's act together and shape up, and a series of high-powered signals that were intended to kill it off.

ZombieSat continues it's journey. Woe is television.

And last but not least:

"People All Over The World Dream of This Man"

The man, referred only to as 'This Man', has not yet been identified by name. The case started in a well-known New York psychiatrist's office in early 2006, when a patient drew a detailed sketch of the face of a man who had been appearing in her dreams. This Man had been giving her advice about her personal life. The woman swears to have never met this person, outside her dreams. While not completely unusual, as dreams are very individual and strange, the sketch that lay forgotten on the desk was picked up by another patient a few days later. This patient also recognized This Man as a person appearing in his dreams, giving him advice on his personal life!

The psychiatrist ends up sending copies of the sketch to other psychiatrists, and eventually a website appears on the internet, connecting together people who have dreamed about This Man.

To date, over 2,000 people claim to have dreamed about This Man, in cities all over the world.

He has yet to be identified.

I do not need news to tell me the world is full of evil people and indifferent societies. I'm aware of these facts. They are not news to me.

I need news to keep me interested in the world. I need the strange, and the new, and the weird.

Give me all the strange, new, weird shit you've got to spare.